Best Names in College Basketball | News, Scores, Highlights, Stats, and Rumors

After putting together a list of some of the best names in college football a couple months ago, I felt like it was fitting to do the same for those out there in the college basketball world with...creative namesakes.

In the spirit of the holiday season and of Temple guard/forward Dionte Christmas, I present to you the best names in college basketball. (Obligatory disclaimer: to any of you college basketball players on this list who Google themselves and stumble upon this post, do not take offense, this is all in jest.Be merry, drink egg nog, and I hope you had a happy “Chrismahanukwanzaka”):

Destined To Be Basketball Players

No Need for Words

Named After Famous People

Chris Martin, Stony Brook—Isn’t this guy the main singer from Coldplay? Um, not that I listen to Coldplay or anything...

Nick Carter, Stony Brook—Whether you’ll admit it or not, I know you remember the guy from the Backstreet Boys.Two pop stars on the same team.Kudos, Stony Brook.

David Palmer, Iowa—For you 24 fans, David Palmer was the first Black President of the United States. But just like in horror movies, the show had to knock off the black guy. Damn.

Picasso Simmons, Murray State—Picasso has a passion for his pallet, proudly painting prominent surrealist masterpieces from Paris to Madrid.Not the best basketball player, but what can you expect from an art major?

Chris Gamble, Mississippi Valley State—Hopefully this Chris Gamble does a little better than a seven out of 50 on his Wonderlic Test.

Destined to Be on the Cover of Some Teenage Girls’ Magazine

Of The Royal Family

Punctuations and Prefixes Perplexing English Teachers around the Country

Giving PA Announcers Serious Issues

International Flavor

Great Last Names

Derrick Caracter, Louisville—Ironically Caracter is not a man of great character; he was suspended earlier in the season for violating team rules.

Cam Thoroughman. WVU—Cam is a diligent, hard-working basketball player.He’s thorough, man.

Great First Names

Feminine Names

Brook Lopez, Stanford—Maybe the real reason Lopez was ineligible for a few games at the beginning of the year.

Hillary Haley, St. Bonaventure—Hillary is 6’6”, 210 lb., so after awhile the feminine name jokes probably stopped.

The Holy One

Jesus Verdejo, South Florida—This man certainly has a lot to live up to.